What About Gus?
by Charli.Scorose.Love
Summary: ONESHOT Gus POV about dying, having smart thoughts and his love for Hazel.


A/N: I know no one seems to read Fault In Our Stars fics, as shown by my other one shot, but here I am again. I'm sorry for the title, I didn't even think about the song before I titled this... Anyway, one-shot, Gus POV before he dies.

Disclaimer: no I'm not John Green. I don't live in America, I'm only 12, I'm not famous and I've only written fanfic for Harry Potter and Fault In Our Stars, plus my own UNpublished novel, not multiple books including Fault In Our Stars and Looking For Alaska, which have won multiple awards. If I was John Green, I would publish this as a side story to Fault In Our Stars. But I'm not *cries*

The cancer came back to haunt me. I am officially dying. For some reason, it doesn't shock me as much as it probably should have. Hazel is... Dying emotionally, I suppose. Dying inside herself, because of me. I'm dying both physically and emotionally. Dying inside and out. I love her so, so much. She means everything to me. Amsterdam was magical, even though the author turned out to be a really shitty drunk person... It was amazing. I don't regret using my Genie Wish for that trip. For her. For us.

I've written an eulogy for her, to find. Well, a eulogy in notes. About how lucky I really am to have her, how beautiful she really is, and exactly how much I love her. Because it is all so, so true. But, as sappy and cliché as it sounds, I can't really describe in words just how much I love her. It's weird for some one my age to have found love this strong, this definite, but I really do love her. She means everything to me, always, but especially right now...

Today, everyone held a sort of prefuneral for me. It was... I can't really put the feeling into words. We ate cake, and everyone talked about... Me. Just me. It was funny, depressing, cute... A lot of emotions, really... Like, Isaac's eulogy was more funny than anything else, I interrupted a few times, for stupid little things. He didn't mind- he's used to it by now. He is my best mate, after all. He's blind now, poor guy. He didn't die though. He's clear of cancer now. Then, Hazel got up and did her speech. It depressed but touched me so, so much. I felt so much love for her as she spoke those words, and her voice was wavering with tears waiting to come through all the way through it. The most beautiful words I think I've heard. Ever. About our love story, and maths. Because that's what our love story is like.

See, I'm not usually this... Sappy. But I'm dying, and I really love Hazel, so give me some credit! Besides. A dude's gotta have some feelings, we're not all sad, feeling-less hermits like all women seem to think! Well. Sometimes. Maybe most, or a lot, of the time. But I can be very sentimental, too!

The thoughts I've been having in the last few days have actually been weirdly intellectual, too. Usually, my thoughts are all about Hazel, video games, that book (which is linked to Hazel), food and cancer. In that exact order. But, in my... Umm... Wise, young age, I've been having some very interesting, clever, clear thoughts. Quotes from people like Shakespeare and advice for people, and stuff that no one my age or ability says. It shocked Isaac, when he came to visit, I know for sure. But then, right now I'm thinking like a normal teenage guy again. It is all very strange. I don't think its a side effect, because not everyone can get smart or be smart just because they have cancer. That would be such an unfair world- if your intellect depended on your health- or lack of it. I'm not entirely sure I like it, to be honest, it doesn't feel like me.

I have about three days, max, left. On this planet. Lying in this lumpy hospital bed. Hazel came to visit today. We sat and talked, and she cried quite a bit too. Okay, maybe I cried too. But only a little. Honest! But still. I love her so, so much. I don't want her to suffer...

I think it's going to be today. I always wondered what happens when you die. Do you just shut down, or does parts of you stop working? Do you fall to the ground, or feel faint then die? Do you feel your heart stop or does it just happen? Is it sudden or gradual? I probably will never know, now. I'll just... Snuff it. Kick the bucket. Die. Whatever you want to call it. I've spoken to Hazel, one last time, and told her just how much I love her. I'm prepared for this now. I know I don't deserve this, because Hazel has told me many times in the last week, but it's going to happen, so why dwell on it in my last few hours? I'm doing some stuff that I enjoy, one last time. Seeing my parents. They have promised to call Hazel as soon as I die. They understand how much I love her.

I have to go to sleep now. The nurse said to have sweet dreams, but I don't even know if I'll wake up in the morning. Maybe I will, for just one more day. Maybe today will have been my last day on this lowly planet. Maybe I'll speak to Hazel again, say okay in my voice that makes her giggle. Maybe I won't. I probably won't. Maybe, we'll be in the afterlife just like we discussed that one time. That would be cool. But even if there isn't an afterlife, I'm prepared now (god I sound like one of those Scouts now don't I?), so it doesn't matter. Hazel will live her life. I hope. I really, really hope she'll be okay... For me. For us.

A/N: Yep I know its pretty terrible. But I'm a girl, and this was my first time writing in a boy POV. Review please? Even if its flames!


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